According to an article posted by "The Times Of India", clinical professor of psychology at York University, Dr. Stephen Fleming, says that grieving parents are stuck in this painful situation where every fiber of their being wants to stop parenting all together, yet they must fulfill the needs of the rest of the family. York’s research was based on a collection of interviews from bereaving parents. This study found that bereaved parents do not "recover" from the loss. Instead, bereaved parenting is an act of regeneration – picking up the pieces in the face of the devastation, and regenerating both a sense of self, and a sense of the family”.
Men and women both grieve differently, and this is shown best in married couples and parents. As it turns out, men are “instrumental” grievers, where they have the mental ability to go back to work and stay committed as the working father. Men also overcome the “fear of putting their children out into an unsafe world” which is the frequent mentality of a woman.
The woman is a more “intuitive” griever. They become more fearful and constantly worry that their other children are most likely going to die if one of their other children has died already. The survivng children are the ones that restrengthen the mother to get back to being a parent and not a worrier.
What is most fascinating about this study is that grief is a common phase that every one goes through, but still has such diversity. There is no way to pinpoint a specific population and claim that they grieve a "certain way". But this study does the deed by finding a common trait among the two genders, and will help struggling parents be able to take a step towards moving on and keeping both their bodies and minds healthy.
-Vivian Mikhail
Photo by Emma Watters
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